Seeing into the Dark

Something has shifted. I read back my essay from 2 weeks ago and it already feels like a lifetime ago. Maybe it is just the shift in weather. We have a taste of warm summer weather. A stint of 70 + degree weather over the past couple of days. The knee-high snow has mostly melted bringing a sea of fog late Saturday night. Now there are just a few piles of sad, dingy white here and there. Dejected ice forgotten by the excitement of summer’s call.

I open the umbrella on my table and sit on my deck. The birds are calling and it feels like another time. Another time before all that has happened, happened.

When you think back on old memories, do you ever feel you don’t recognize the person who lived them? I often feel disconnected from who I was. Who was she? What did she think? What did she feel? Because while we have parallels, I am not she. Total cell regeneration takes approximately 7-10 years. So 7 years ago, 10 years ago, the cells that made up the composition of my physical body at that time are not the same today. And then even in the between, parts of me are the same and parts are not the same. In the between, I am a hybrid constantly shifting and morphing.

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